Blatter – twat

Sepp reiterates his hyperprick status

Sepp rolls out the "some of my best friends are black" excuse

Joseph S. Blatter is not a racist. He’s just a total fuckwit. A monumental buffoon who could start a controversy floating alone through deep space. An imbecile with the IQ of a mouldy shower curtain.

Blatter has again put his foot so far in his mouth you could paint his toenails with toilet roll. Despite two ongoing investigations in the Premiership alone (with Luis Suarez being charged), he today said that “there is no racism“. And, if there were words or gestures that were “not correct”, then the subject of the abuse “should say ‘this is a game’ and shake hands”.

NO. NO NO NO NO NO.

For fucks sake, how long does racism have to pollute our game before FIFA will actually do anything about it? They give paltry fines to national associations whose fans openly display racist behaviour. Their leader thinks racism is an issue to be settled by handshake – a mild disagreement. The only way to deal with it is to get tough. £15,000 fine for racist chants? How about £1,500 per fan? A £60million fine is no laughing matter. Hit the fuckers where it hurts. Any player found guilty – 2 year ban, as for doping. They’re both despicable acts, so we should punish them equally.

I hated Sepp before, and this latest horror show reinforces that. But fans, players and administrators the world over have to ensure that a) he doesn’t damage the game any further and b) that racism is stamped out of football in its entirety. There will always be bigots – they don’t have to be tolerated. And there will be Sepp until at least 2015 – he doesn’t have to be tolerated either. Until he goes, fuck FIFA.

Clint is a hero

Hear, hear

Spider joke

I just killed a huge spider crawling along the floor with my shoe.

I don’t care how big a spider is, nobody steals my fucking shoe.

Mental scooter man

In other news

-Don’t let the bastards get you down.

Like.

-Want more Mad Men.

Phoenix are French, and excellent.

You’re like a sunset.

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Stop Football

Fifa wallow in mud, pat backs

Yeah, and Shipman's game was bingo

Anyone who reads my blog ever knows I love football. Despite all the talk last week being about Ryan Giggs and his wayward penis, Saturday’s Champions League final was a feast. Barcelona were pushed but ultimately showed their class against a lacklustre Manchester United team. And yet Fifa are doing everything they can to undermine the on-the-pitch goodies.

Election for the presidency of Fifa is due to take place tomorrow, yet it is already a farce. Sepp Blatter, the incumbent shit-doesn’t-stick-to-me President will stand unopposed after his opponent, Mohamed Bin Hammam, was suspended due to bribery allegations. The timing of this suspension had NOTHING to do with the upcoming election. Not that Hammam looks innocent. He admits passing on cash, but insists it was expenses money for the extraordinary meeting he called. Yeah, sure.

Head of the CONCACAF region, Jack Warner, has also been suspended. Incredibly, he has urged voters in his region to support Blatter, even after he  said Blatter must be stopped. It’s also widely known that last years World Cup host vote was a fix. And 86% of Swiss people surveyed for a national newspaper believed Blatter is corrupt. So what now? Unfortunately, it seems like the whole tree is rotten. In all probability, it’s going to fall. If it comes down on the field of play, we might as well give up now.

Away from the dark comedy of the Fifa shitstorm, one of football’s modern greats quietly gave up the game. Paul Scholes was a terrible tackler, gave up on England at the height of his talent and was ginger. And yet, he was one of the greats of the game, earning platitudes from such exceptional peers as Zidane, Xavi and Henry. Yet for me, his finest moment came on a spring day in Bradford. Scholes, I salute you:

Senna

What if he were alive today. I can’t wait to see this:

More injunction gubbins

Another anonymous twitter user has been revealing supposed superinjunctions. Am I in breach of the law for passing this on? I have no idea. I hope so. Come after me. I’ll write a jail book, and make a mint.

So anyway, apparently footballer Gareth Barry has one out to hide an affair (apologies to any of my twitter followers if this is a bit familiar). Barry is soooo boring, both in style of play and personality. This affair (if true) would be the most interesting thing he’s ever been caught up in. So Gareth, you heard it from me first – go through them like a train. At least you’re doing something.

I feel sorry for those sports stars who are interesting. Lewis Hamilton joked at the weekend that he may be prone to stewards enquiries because he is black. I emphasise JOKED. He said it with his tongue so far in his cheek it was practically licking his ear drum. Yet, he’s had to apologise. And Formula 1 wonders why people call it boring?

sexymp.co.uk

So the above website is causing some consternation. Pious as peaches Lib Dem blogger Paul Walter wrote the following:

“Young people’s political ambitions are, almost invariably, shaped by role models.

“Those role models should be held up for their passion and views, not looks.”

Mr Walter, kindly put your toys back in your pram. Just because you ming doesn’t mean we can’t ogle a little:

*vomit*

In short, it’s fun. Enjoy it while it lasts.

In other news

-Too little, too late.

-Suppose that’s one way to stop a rapist.

-Burblings? Really?

Saw these darlings on Later… and really liked them:

Yuck.

Fuck FIFA

Mafia 2018 to be trumped by Gaybasher 2022?

There's HOW much in the brown envelope under my chair?

So, we lost. But for England in the footballing arena, this is no surprise. Not since 1966 have we triumphed on the world stage. So, why the indignation over FIFA’s decision? Well, it was widely acknowledged that tecnichally, England had the best bid, and it was also the most economically viable. The presentation by Prince William, David Cameron and David Beckham was also well received. When the news emerged that England’s bid was eliminated in the first round of voting, it was met with genuine shock. Despite the allegations of corruption made by the Times and the BBC (not without hard evidence, it must be said) it was believed that England stood a good chance of winning. But we lost to Russia. Russia has fair worse infrastructure and stadia. It assassinates ex-spies in foreign countries. It then elects the suspected murderer to the state parliament, to ensure he gets immunity from any accusations arising from said murder. But accusations of Russia being a chaotic, mafia-style gangland are obviously wide of the mark. As for Qatar, the high temperature in June averages at 41 degrees celsius and homosexuality is a crime. So all those gay footballers who are being encouraged to come out should have a whale of a time, if only they don’t die of heatstroke. Sepp claims to be spreading the game around the world. All he’s doing is lining his filthy fucking pockets.

Mental animal #1

Badass otter on the rampage. Listen for the guy screaming:

Chavez is a bit of a dude

Hugo Chavez, President of Venezuela, is a socialist. So much so that after recent flooding, he told some of the victims to come back to his palace until they could return to their homes. What a hero. Somehow, I can’t see DC inviting flood victims over to No. 10 for a sleepover.

Mental animal #2

There’s nothing there mate:

In other news

-The snow makes people ACT LIKE FUCKING RETARDS.

-Need sleep.

-Burger King adverts are like crack – I want more. NOW.

New Kanye album is very good. My fave:

You can suck my balls through my draws. Ciao.