On top of Arthur

… and it’s 6 in the morning and it’s the weekend and it’s stupid o’clock and last night was fun but I’m feeling it now and in and out of the shower and tidying the flat and packing like a whirlwind and out the door and I have loads of time yeah? and WHAT THE FUCK THE DLR IS NOT RUNNING AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH and taxi man how long to Kings Cross and 30 minutes is too long and £20 if you’re there by 7.50 and we’re bombing through the East End and I’m bricking it but calm and made it and you’re a bloody legend and run to get my tickets and 62jwftrb and on the train and miracles do happen and there’s my seat and Tony Blair and Delphic and coke and pain au chocolat/chocolate croissant/THAT ONE and twix and a nap and Newcastle and Durham and the sea and hello Scotland and that’s a big dark pointy thing and hello girls and crikey that’s a cast and the National Gallery has beautiful toilets and I’m a bit sweaty and M&S lunch and here comes Dave and hostel times and you’re not even a planet and embarrassing Dave with various Australians and you’re not even a planet and up to the castle and lots of men in kilts and Scottish shops and the Royal Mile and Richard Burns and the Castle and what a lovely day and dinnertime and the Grassmarket and a pint of Orkney Dark Island and hmmmm chocolatey and off to the haggis pub and we haven’t got a table yet but we will soon and we’re waiting and waiting and we’re next and can’t we just eat at the table and christ that took long putting off hunger with chocolate eclairs and haggis to start is like stuffing and salmon en croute is tidy and Porter’s pie is massive and hostel time and Who Wants To Be A Millionaire and we’re all a bit sleepy and to bed and in the night an Aussie nearly drops a bag on my head and morning time and the shower goes freezing and a bit more book and some wandering around and and hiring an Insignia and Boots meal deal and saved £2.06 and by the column and paedo lens and the science exhibit and bye Helly and off to the voiture and vroom and this is quite nice and stop off at the hostel and fruit gums and on the road and a little sleepy and suddenly it’s rally style and sorry Sorrell and SHITTING HELL and maybe I’ll slow down and it’s beautiful round here anyway and reaching the destination and Bruce’s Stone and they lock their doors and it’s off for tea and cruising chavs and this place looks bangtidy and Scampi is in order and we’re off for the sunset and we probably missed it and up to the obelisk and loving the whale hill and the light is fading and I’m on Sorrell’s hand and my bum’s out and a Riley pic and lynx talk and hillbillies and there’s a star and there’s a satellite and that car’s stopped and OH MY GOD the lights have gone out and give me a torch Dave and this isn’t funny and finally lights on and there aren’t many stars and hometime? yeah and back to the car and someone else stops and let’s lock the doors and off home and a bit more sedate and Beatles singalong and drop off the car and I’ve left my wallet and Dave you twat and back to the room and sleep hits and up again and out the door and M&S lunch and it’s £10.80 and oops and the world’s best hot chocolate? and Holyrood and Arthur’s Seat and he’s quite big and this is fun and it’s getting windy and and to the top and christ it’s windy and no place for lunch and off the top and sitting down and lush sandwich and here comes rain and off the hill and wow there’s hail and Jedward thrusting and to the bottom and finishing lunch and doggies and girls walking on water and more hail and the hot chocolate is the worlds most average and gifts and gallery and of to see Robert Winstone and here we are and he’s right there and he’s bloody brilliant and Dave is being a fanny and the hottest tatties in town and you’re massive and tasty and I have a food baby and we’re going on the ghost tour and Liv is coming and 1-1 at pool and it’s chilly and Tron Kirk and Pizza Hut ruckus and hey Livvy and here’s Julia and cheers Pops Fawcett and AH HATE THE ENGLISH and put it away wanker and underground and torture chamber and screaming and Dave jumped on me and bye Liv and free Vodka and looong day and hostel time and last goodnight and Leri’s off early and brunch and sausage and bacon and back to Walter and on the bench and bye Sorrell and hello ladies and Waterstones and Topman and socks and bye Dave and on the way back to civilisation and what a bloody great way to spend the weekend with the best people in the world.