Too fast/slow/few/many/soft/hard *delete as appropriate

They fuzzed up

You wait forever for a bus, and then it turns up on fire

Soooo… let’s get this straight. When the police shot Mark Duggan, they acted too fast. They shot a man, albeit one suspected of being a gangster and who was carrying a gun, in what looks remarkably like an assassination. They then jumped the gun (metaphor in poor taste, I know) allegedly beating a girl who posed little to no threat at the protest in Tottenham.

Then they acted too slow. Despite numerous calls from the public, rioters were able to act completely unhindered in their criminal acts. Looters gambolled about, taking whatever they fancied, keeping one step ahead of the police by using those fancy new fangled MOBILE phones (yeah I know – a phone you can carry. Space age madness).

There weren’t enough police on the streets last Monday night. Where they were in the vicinity of the riots, they were overrun and had to watch the carnage unfold. Their numbers were too few to be able to confront the troublemakers head on.

However, when the streets were flooded with extra officers the following night, there were too many police. Little to no trouble flared (I wonder why?!) in the London streets that had been bedlam 24 hours before. Elsewhere in the country, Manchester, Birmingham, Gloucester, where police had been taken from to keep London quiet, opportunists struck up where their counterparts in the capital had left off.

Throughout the whole crisis, the authorities were too soft. Why weren’t the police battering the insolent little shits? Why weren’t the government authorising use of CS gas and water cannon? Hell, why weren’t there SWAT teams riding through the streets on the back of polar bears, cursing any rioter with Avada Kedavra?

Now the dust has settled, the authorities have been too harsh. Among sentences criticised, the four years given to two Warrington men for attempting to incite riots and the 6 months for stealing water worth £3.50 have been singled out. Never mind the fact that in both instances, the punishments meted out were in line with sentencing guidelines.

I don’t see why the police bother. There will always be those who think they act too often either in haste or with undue caution. There will always be a case for more police, but just enough, or costs will rocket. There will always be those screaming for the death penalty, or to just leave the kids alone.

Would those people be willing to investigate child abuse? Would they rush to the scene of a horrific car crash? Would they smash down the door of a drug den? I doubt it. Maybe, then, they should quiet down. Because unless the police have definitively done wrong, their job is hard enough. They had enough flying at them last week, without unmerited criticism too.

Really, people should just photoshop a looter.

Unscripted scenes

Heath Ledger’s is bloody brilliant:

Joey Barton

I’m not here to defend a man for his previous actions – Joey Barton has done some pretty disgusting things in his time, as I’m sure he would admit. He has brought all the extra scrutiny he suffers on himself. But he also deserves a fair crack of the whip. On Saturday he was stamped on. Then, when he saw someone cheating (don’t give me that “but there was contact” crap – that contact wouldn’t have knocked over a one-legged shelter dog, let alone a fully grown man) he had the cheek to drag him up off the ground. Yeas, he went down like a wimp, but he apologised straight after the match.

He isn’t an angel. But he admits his faults, and is extraordinarily candid in his interactions with both press and public. I have warmed to him, and I reckon he deserves a break. When you see someone cheating so blatantly, it makes your blood boil. I once told an opposition player if he dived again, I’d stamp on his face, and I have nothing like Barton’s rap sheet.

So again – unless he really does something wrong, shut the fuck up.

Listen to Joey and one very angry dickhead here.

Woof

In other news

-Love the Punjab.

-Men pretending to be women? Me no likey.

-Pink Lemonade.

Beautiful beautiful song:

Feel the sunshine, on your face.

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999 Letsbe Avenue

Woop woop, it’s the sound of the po-tweet

NEEE NAAA NEEE NAAA

In a recent attempt to show the public exactly what police life is like, Greater Manchester Police tweeted every 999 call made for 24 hours. Over 3000 calls were made and posted online in a day-long experiment which aimed to show that the police do more than catch murderers and chase burglars. The stunt worked – it was riveting, and reading every single tweet, you really got a sense of the amount of crap the police must deal with. I’m not saying they’re perfect, but neither would anyone be when the thickest skin sacks out there are ringing the EMERGENCY services cause there’s no milk left in the fridge. It’s hardly surprising that some members of the force go looking for (and possibly creating) troublemakers when they’ve spent all day telling people that no, we don’t give lifts home to people who’ve missed the bus. Here are a few of my favourite tweets:

-Call 2737 Man refuses to leave the gym in Hazel Grove.

-Call 1634 Suspicious men carrying a snake, Bolton.

-Call 3003 Reports of four foot doll or robot on Princess Parkway near M56 – officers attend but nothing there.

-Call 1333 Reports of dustbins being moved in Droylsden.

-Call 384 Report of man holding baby over bridge – police immediately attended and it was man carrying dog that doesn’t like bridges.

-Call 3026 Suspicious man wearing cape in Bolton – police attended and no sign of man.

Jon Heder

Napoleon Dynamite is possibly the best film ever made. Soundboard! Jon Heder hasn’t really done anything of note since, but he is hilarious. Here’s a little thing with him in:

Minefest 2010

Every Chilean miner has been rescued, thank God/Buddha/Bob Marley. Now in the aftermath, the Chilean President, Sebastián Piñera, has promised to introduce measures to protect the rights of workers. This has been greeted with cynicism, even by the families of the miners – “here the middle class use miners to make them rich, and at the end the miner dies sick and poor“. Here’s hoping the President uses the boost he has received from the crisis to drive through the promised reforms. All eyes on you, Sebastián.

Hipster Hitler

It’s brilliant. Take a look, and buy me a t-shirt.

In other news

-Myleene Klass – pregnant, still a twat.

-How much does does an iPhone 4 cost to make? $6.54.

-1st XI, yes please.

Here’s a bloody beautiful piece of music:

Zu wahr.