Boo fucking hoo

Bye bye Wes, you trooper

Wes Brown has retired from international football. Bugger. After starting 17 of 131 matches since his debut (or 13% for you number crunchers) this news is, well, not news. He’s shit. Glen Johnson and Micah Richards are both younger, and better, and don’t have crappy orange hair. Good old Wes, never one to do things the right way, chose to announce the news just before England’s first step to redemption from their disastrous World Cup campaign. Why not do it when you weren’t picked for the World Cup? Because you wanted your last, tiny bit of limelight, before you go back to the mediocrity of the Old Trafford bench. Sod off Wes, now that you and Emile have slinked off we may get some of the youthful vigour that we need in the team.

In other football news, this is why woman shouldn’t play football – they have no fucking idea what they’re doing:

And the most emphatic penalty ever, courtesy of a goalkeeper (see 1m31s):

Clint Eastwood – good guy

Clint Eastwood, Hollywood institution, has called on George Osborne to save the seemingly doomed UK Film Council, as cut by culture secretary Jeremy Hunt. Now, that’s like a request from Neil Young or Stephen King. YOU DON”T IGNORE IT. The Film Council does good work bringing money, jobs and a tiny bit of entertainment to our sometimes dreary island. We’re never going to compete with Hollywood unless we support our film industry. Listen to Clint. Or do you feel lucky, Hunt?

Über car crash (see 1m50s)

Go Stafford

Ed Stafford has become the first man to trek the entire length of the Amazon. Bloody good on him. An heir to Scott of the Antarctic and Edmund Hillary, Stafford walked 4000 miles over 2 years. Dude has cojones.

Über catch

In other news

-Students have taken to having ear sex in lieu of traditional intercourse.

-Q “What did the brown tooth say to the white tooth?” A “Is it beacause I is plaque?”

-Yeah, we won.

How to make Radiohead danceable:

Righty. Bedtime, to dream of an England team without Wes fucking Brown. Hallelujah.