GSOH completely absent

Incredibly misguided complaint

FC Porto's Hulk

Football takes itself too seriously at times. Players treated like deities complain they’re actually treated like dogs. Managers storm out of press conferences when someone has the audacity to ask a question. Rivalries which flair twice a season are given the same coverage as a small war.

Yet in all the years I have followed football, I struggle to recall an incident at which I’m more incredulous. In Wednesday’s Manchester City v FC Porto game, Porto had a player called Hulk. The City fans mocked him with the tame, witty chant “You’re not incredible”. That’s funny! Unless you are FC Porto.

Rui Cerqueira, the Porto spokesman, has indicated that the incident will be reported to UEFA on the grounds that the City support acted in an unacceptable way. Apart from demonstrating a total lack of perspective, it’s ironic because in the home leg, Porto’s fans were heard chanting racial abuse – specifically monkey chants. Porto are amazed that this has caused offence, and have sought to deny it. City’s Sergio Agüero has the nickname ‘Kun’ and Cerqueira claimed that the City fans were chanting Kun, Kun, Kun. That’s faintly plausible, except that Aguero wasn’t on the pitch at the time.

Cerqueira and his employers need to have a look in the mirror. Funny chanting is good. One of the best I know of is the chant that fans directed at Andy Goram after he was diagnosed with schizophrenia – “two Andy Gorams, there’s only two Andy Gorams”. Wit is welcome, racial prejudice isn’t. So before Porto whine like spoilt children about others, maybe they should get their own house in order. On a positive note, City won 6-1 on aggregate, which I would say is karma.

Incredible hoops

Moon penis

Via my faraway friend dvdhth:

Still wouldn't satisfy Jordan

Popbitch

…is a brilliant weekly celeb newsletter that takes a light, jocular look at our culture. Explore it, and sign up here. Why so good? Because it gets Danny Dyer to talk about a baboon v badger fight:

In other news

Extraordinary Google street views.

-Great soup.

Imagine if you were the only fan at the game…

This is a simple, beautiful record:

Faithful and true.

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Argy Bargy

Falking madness

Either a tiny ship or a monster sheep

It is fast approaching 30 years since the last Falklands conflict. 907 people died during the fierce conflict, and since then, an uneasy truce has existed between Britain and Argentina. Thankfully, the only battles that have transpired in the interim have involved 22 men, a ball and unhealthy amounts of nationalistic vitriol.

Worryingly though, the tensions surrounding the issue of sovereignty of Las Malvinas/the Falkland Islands have been rising again. The posting of Prince William to the region has led Argentina to claim that Britain is militarising the region. How a horsey posh boy signals that I’m unsure. Argentina has responded by imposing restrictions on shipping in the area, with Argentine unions boycotting the ships of “British pirates”. The 2,500 islanders are becoming increasingly isolated, and the leaders of the respective nations increasingly agitated.

Meanwhile, as if the situation wasn’t ridiculous enough, Sean Penn has got involved. Yes, that Hollywood guy who has absolutely no perspective on the situation or historical context whatsoever. “I think that the world today is not going to tolerate any kind of ludicrous and archaic commitment to colonialist ideology,” said the democratically elected leader rat faced twat, speaking after a meeting with Argentine President Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner. Seriously, Sean – you’ve made some good films (The Assassination Of Richard Nixon being my personal favourite) but go play in traffic.

The Argentinian FA is going to get a talking to, after proposing to rename their domestic football league to the Crucero General Belgrano First Division. The Belgrano was an Argentine cruiser that was sunk in the conflict with the loss of 323 lives. Is it really necessary to cheapen that sacrifice by attaching the name of the ship to a sports league, like a sponsor?

Now, I should admit some bias – my Dad has been to the Falklands twice and was in the British Forces. Even for me, it is easy to see the Argentine point of view. The Islands are some 8,000 miles from the UK, and 289 from Argentina. Our interest is historic, but also fuelled by the potential oil fields located in the waters around them.

It is the islanders who suffer. Not having enough eggs for example. This would hurt them, not that they are reliant on eggs for their diet. They are a tough cohort who pride themselves on how many generations of their family have lived on the Islands. In this clip on Newsnight, the one thing that is apparent, aside from Paxman’s ability to make everyone look foolish, is the intense spirit of independence that embellishes Assembly Member Dick Sawle’s perspective. The Islands are rocky, barren, and generally inhospitable, but their occupants work hard to ensure their survival. It is not by chance that the flag of the Falklands carries the motto ‘desire the right’. It is also telling that the local describes Argentina’s actions in 1982 as an invasion.

In all honesty, I feel that both Britain and Argentina’s claims to the Islands are valid. Therefore, the islanders right of self-determination comes to the fore. Until the day that they decide to be Argentine, they shall be British. Not a Prince, a football league nor Sean fucking Penn can do anything about that.

Front flip

Quite cool:

Valentines

Good wolf

Sex

In other news

-Squash won.

-Soup good.

-Berlin booked.

LCD Soundsystem – got there late, love them:

Where are your friends tonight?

LMFAO WTF etc…

Just don’t say fuck

'The Bird'

It was the Superbowl this weekend. For those of you who don’t care for American sport, that meant nothing. For those of us who do, it was an excuse to stay up ’til the wee small hours watching men batter the shit out of each other, the most expensive ads in the world, and the infamous Half Time Show.

The Half TIme Show is like a get out of jail free card, in case the game is a bit wanky. For twelve minutes, one of the biggest performance artists in the world wows the crowd/advertises their latest album (*delete as appropriate). Some, such as Prince in 2007, are amazing. Others aren’t. Madonna did it this week, and was a bit turdy if the reactions I saw were anything to go by.

To distract everyone from her freakish, disturbing muscles, and irrelevance in 2012, Madonna was joined on stage by a veritable zeitgeist of new artists. Nicky Minaj, LMFAO and MIA performed with her, and MIA has inflamed the American sense of indecency by swearing at a camera.

Frankly speaking, I would have thought a 53 year old childsnatcher gyrating in a leotard would have been offensive enough. Apparently not, given the reaction. The NFL, and NBC who broadcast the crass digit, have sought to deflect blame on to each other, and there is even suggestion that MIA herself will be liable for any fine levied by the FCC.

Now, honestly, is it really that big a deal? The US has an incredibly twisted set of morals. Madonna was joined by LMFAO – laughing my fucking ass off in full. This inferred cuss is clearly acceptable to the NFL and NBC, but MIA’s open gesture is not.

Everyone has a right not to view material they deem vulgar. This melodrama that has followed, however, is petty and inconsequential. MIA is being crucified and it is entirely disproportionate. If she is contractually liable for any fine, it could run into hundreds of thousands of dollars. Seriously, chill the fuck out. If she’d have been toting a gun, fine. Flip the bird, no no no. It’s completely incongruous to me. Still love them though, mentalists.

Stick

Well, it is an attractive stick, let's be honest

NEEEEEOWM

So this fellow is going to try and break the sound barrier. But unlike Concorde, or ThrustSSC, Felix Baumgartner will be trying to do it in freefall from a balloon. Fucking legend. Human history is littered with these kind of mavericks, who attempt to do things the rest of us can’t even comprehend. Good luck to him. I mean it. If anything goes wrong, his blood could vapourise. And that isn’t a pretty sight, as this picture attests.

The FP

I can’t decide if this is the greatest or worst film trailer ever:

In other news

-Best shower curtain ever.

-Squash hurts.

-MATA!

Just a great song:

Everybody’s running, round and round in circles.