Rule no. 1: When in a hole…


Former Features Editor of the NOTW, current turd

The Leveson inquiry into the conduct of the press has continued this week. I wrote about the pap whose defence of his profession was incredibly flimsy and unconvincing. But that was nothing compared to the former Features Editor of the News of the World, Paul McMullan, who must be somewhere near New Zealand now given the size of the hole he dug himself today.

McMullan attempted to justify his and other’s conduct but only proceeded to make them look even more amoral. He misunderstands ‘public interest’: “circulation defines what is the public interest”. That’s wrong. 5m people might read the latest scoop on Jordan and whoever is tending to her lady garden this week. Does that make it in the public interest though, in the same way as the expenses scandal was? Not in my humble opinion. There is a difference between the public being interested and the public interest.

He then comes out with this belter: “I think phone hacking is a perfectly acceptable tool if all we were doing to trying to get to the truth”. NO. Firstly, it’s illegal. Secondly, if you want to know something, or think you know something, you must use lawful means to qualify your suspicions. If I want to know how much my boss gets paid, I can’t go stealing his payslips, even if all I’m trying to do is get to the truth. Plus, I’d bet my left nut that most of the time, McMullan and others were fishing for stories, not trying to confirm them. This search for the truth line is pure bullshit.

Discussion then moved onto the dangerous car chases that Sienna Miller, among others, spoke about. Well: “I absolutely loved giving chase to celebrities. Before Diana died it was such good fun. How many jobs can you have car chases in? It was great”. Yeah, all fun and games until someone gets hurt. Or dies. Which they did, and you acknowledged it! Without the insane levels of media interest, Diana may well have lived beyond that night in Paris. Instead, her car was chased until it crashed and then paps took pictures of her whilst she died. Stay classy Paul.

Later, he admitted to rooting through bins, said “privacy is for paedos; fundamentally nobody else needs it”, and claimed that hacking Milly Dowler’s phone was “not a bad thing”. He’s completely unscrupulous, and a criminal. Paul McMullan is scum, and if this inquiry results in the cessation of his brand of journalism, that will only be a god thing. Please, fuck off back to the hole you slithered out of.


Via Dave:

My tram experience

I expect you will have seen the video of Emma West getting all het up on the tram. She’s a horrible racist, and has been charged as such. Surely no-one in this day and age could agree with her, right?

Wrong. @Roguewader on Twitter stated: “She may have gone about it badly but the woman in #MyTramExperience had a bloody good point”. I replied “No she didn’t. You prick”, entirely reasonably I feel. He then hit back, saying that this was why we can’t discuss immigration – it’s immediately deemed racist.

Mate, no one said racist. Guilty conscience or what. Also, immigration discussions can be had if they are reasonable and intelligent. Racism is never either of these.

The tweeting went on awhile, with Mr. Wader continuing to try and make his point with fatuous, irrelevant arguments. Please, if you hear some ignoramus talking shit like this, say something. Remember these words – all that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.

Regarding Emma West – many said she made them ashamed to be British. However, those who stood up to her made me proud to be British. The level of disgust also shows that while there may be people who hold those views, they are in the minority. I hope Emma gets the prison sentence she deserves. Good luck in the slammer, sugartits.

Meow, right in the kisser

In other news


-Thai green chicken curry – nom.

-9 in 8.

Swinging classic:

If I can’t have your love, I don’t need your sympathy.


I’m your biggest fan…

… I’ll hack your phone until you sue me

Midget photographers have it hard

So, the next round of recriminations in the phone hacking scandal have commenced. The Leveson inquiry has been hearing from all manner of celebrities, and not so celebrities. This isn’t meant to be flippant, or demeaning – some of the hackees really aren’t famous, at all. Still, they’re of interest of course, like the partner of an MP whose daughter had just died in a skydiving accident. Classy tabloids.

Or the McCanns. Yes they are famous, although not of their own volition or desire. The inquiry is to question “the culture, practices and ethics of the press”, so it feels necessary to point out what the McCanns have been accused of, by the media, since Madeleine went missing in 2007:

  • killing her
  • freezing the body
  • selling her to pay off debts

Now, from that in no way exhaustive list, whatever your views on the case, I would argue that there is very little in the way of ethics on display there.

But, maybe we’re all being unfair. Maybe Mungo has got his knickers in a twist. So I was very interested to read a riposte from a paparazzo earlier.

He states, when talking about the pictures they take, “it’s the moral decision of the newspaper editors whether they print them or not”. Be that as it may, it’s your moral decision to get out of bed in the morning and harass people. This amazed me – “you hear all these celebrities complaining about being chased, but the fact is if they don’t try and get away then photographers don’t need to chase them. Simple”. Of course! How silly of us all. What you should do is just take the harassment! Never mind how scary or intimidating it all is, just shut up and take it. Then comes the pull on the heartstrings. “The recession hasn’t helped matters… A full-time paparazzo in London is struggling to take home £2,000 a month”. My heart fucking bleeds. Those nurses with pay freezes must be thanking their lucky stars they don’t have to take pictures for a living.

Earning a wage out of this must be only for those so dead inside that they literally have no comprehension of the damage they’re doing. This culture, these practices, these morals are wrong. I hope the red-tops and those that feed them muck and grime are feeling uncomfortable. It’s about time the tables were turned, hopefully for good.

Movember fight

Structured reality

TOWIE going strong. Desperate Scousewives coming soon. Even hipsters are getting in on it. But could we not just watch actual people act? Cause the problem is, even though these situations are real, these people are crap actors. And the situations are rubbish. The programs are pretty much the very definition so bad, it’s good. Or, total turds polished. Either way, it’s carving them out a lovely career. Those fries won’t cook themselves.

My thoughts exactly

Via Ricky Gervais:

Or, failing that, the Priest could channel Jesus and bum you

In other news

Gordon Ramsey owns an old bag.


-Trying to keep up with RVP.

I rather enjoy this:

I caught a glimpse.

Blatter – twat

Sepp reiterates his hyperprick status

Sepp rolls out the "some of my best friends are black" excuse

Joseph S. Blatter is not a racist. He’s just a total fuckwit. A monumental buffoon who could start a controversy floating alone through deep space. An imbecile with the IQ of a mouldy shower curtain.

Blatter has again put his foot so far in his mouth you could paint his toenails with toilet roll. Despite two ongoing investigations in the Premiership alone (with Luis Suarez being charged), he today said that “there is no racism“. And, if there were words or gestures that were “not correct”, then the subject of the abuse “should say ‘this is a game’ and shake hands”.


For fucks sake, how long does racism have to pollute our game before FIFA will actually do anything about it? They give paltry fines to national associations whose fans openly display racist behaviour. Their leader thinks racism is an issue to be settled by handshake – a mild disagreement. The only way to deal with it is to get tough. £15,000 fine for racist chants? How about £1,500 per fan? A £60million fine is no laughing matter. Hit the fuckers where it hurts. Any player found guilty – 2 year ban, as for doping. They’re both despicable acts, so we should punish them equally.

I hated Sepp before, and this latest horror show reinforces that. But fans, players and administrators the world over have to ensure that a) he doesn’t damage the game any further and b) that racism is stamped out of football in its entirety. There will always be bigots – they don’t have to be tolerated. And there will be Sepp until at least 2015 – he doesn’t have to be tolerated either. Until he goes, fuck FIFA.

Clint is a hero

Hear, hear

Spider joke

I just killed a huge spider crawling along the floor with my shoe.

I don’t care how big a spider is, nobody steals my fucking shoe.

Mental scooter man

In other news

-Don’t let the bastards get you down.


-Want more Mad Men.

Phoenix are French, and excellent.

You’re like a sunset.


Mark of respect mired in ignominy

The Poppy

Go, David Cameron. Go, Prince William. Go, the FA, twitter and EDL… er, wait a minute.

FIFA was beaten, and now the England team will be proudly displaying the poppy on black armbands during Saturday’s friendly with Spain. Go us.

Now, I don’t want this to be construed as anti-The Poppy Appeal. I buy my poppy every year, and wear it with pride. I come from a military background, a military area and some of my best friends are serving in the forces.

The problem is, this whole furore has literally nothing to do with The Poppy Appeal. Every football fan in England hates FIFA since the Ruskis got the World Cup. The Government are pissed off with FIFA because they spent a shitload of money on a failed bid. Prince William is narked at FIFA because he has to do something except trying to get Kate to do anal. And the EDL are annoyed because it hurts dragging your knuckles all day.

I’m not defending FIFA either. There was no need for them to take the stand they did, but I understand the point they were trying to enforce. And the fact of the matter is, none of our war dead will be dishonoured by the lack of a poppy on the England shirt.

Every fan can wear a poppy. They will be on display in Wembley Stadium. A minutes silence will be observed by 90,000 fans, plus the millions watching at home (hopefully). Yeah, FIFA look dickish. But we threw our toys out of the pram. The Poppy Appeal is a dignified way to commemorate our fallen heroes, not a propaganda campaign. Maybe we should have been bearing that in mind over the past few days.

To be honest, personally I was more offended by the ridiculous massive chintzy poppies on display on the X Factor this weekend. I will freely acknowledge that the stylised poppies raise money for the Royal British Legion. However, I still don’t agree with them. The poppy, in my humble opinion, should not be a fashion accessory.

So go and buy a poppy. Observe a moments silence on the 11th at 11am. Sing the national anthem if you watch the game on Saturday. And remember what the poppy means on this day.

The Ides Of March

Yeah, go and see it. If you like boys, Ryan Gosling. If you like girls, Evan Rachel Wood. Nice:

Nickelback are crap

… and it’s not just me who thinks so. The Detroit Lions booked the Canuck cunts for a half-time show on Thanksgiving – the fans said no. WELL DONE.



In other news

-Pretty much bald.


Yeezy taught you well.

Goodbye horses:

“Would you fuck me?”. Great line.