England mourns

Please, this can’t be the end?

The moment all England fans dreaded, but knew was inevitable, has come. After the disappointing display in South Africa, supporters thought that that the England dream had reached its nadir, and things could not get any worse. How wrong we were. Today will surely go down as one of the darkest days in English football’s long history, as Emile Heskey announced his international retirement. Already, there have been calls for immediate knighthood. Wayne Rooney has been photographed crying into the steering wheel of his Range Rover. And Fabio Capello is seriously considering his position as England manager. Capello had been understood to have been bunkered in a basement in FA HQ, plotting how to best exploit Heskey and building a championship winning side around him. Today, those plans lie in tatters. Heskey leaves the team with an astounding record of 7 goals in 62 appearances.

Fucking Screw Ups #1

The Tea Party movement in the US is pretty scary, if for no other reason than they see Sarah Palin as the solution to their nation’s problems. It’s also scary because member organisations within the movement fund posters like this:

A reasoned, moderate view from the North Iowa Tea Party

There are many, many differences between Hitler, Obama and Lenin. Obama can slamdunk. He lives on the North American continent, the other two lived in Europe. Oh, and two were murdering, dictatorial war-mongerers. Can you guess which ones? (Clue: it ain’t the brother).

Fucking Screw Ups #2

I find Catholicism a little odd. No sex before marriage, no contraception after, transubstatiation, protect the paedophiles. But now, they have moved to make the ordination of female priests as heinous a crime as systematic abuse. Now, to me, and call me misguided if I am, but that smacks of wrong priorities. On the one hand, you have devoted Catholics wanting to spread the word of God, but being stopped from doing so because of a lack of testes. On the other hand, you have old men putting children through experiences that end a childhood. Are they crimes on the same level? Methinks not, Popey.

iLiKETRAiNS

My very favourite epic-historian band are returning with a new album (through a very cool system which benefits charities through sales). This is why they’re the tits:

In other news

-Shit day.

-There’s a company near me called TNG. Some scamp has graffitied it to read ANAL TING. Clever scamp.

-Paul the Octopus – big money move.

Right, raspberries and greek yoghurt. Beautiful.

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