Paul the Octopus
Who knows best about football? Pundits? Fans? It would appear that the answer lies with a cephalopod who has never watched a game in his life. Paul the Octopus has so far predicted all of Germany’s results in the World Cup. Now that Spain have beaten Germany (in a match so dull, it made watching paint dry seem more appealing than a Miss World orgy) Paul was called upon to predict the winner of Sunday’s final. Paul chose Spain:
But, I think I have spotted something. Is it possible that Paul is just a lazy fucker? He floated over to the nearest box and picked Spain. He couldn’t be arsed to go all the way to the Dutch box, and now Spain are nailed on to win. I wonder if the Dutch players are aware of Paul? As it happens, I’m going to be in a Spanish bar on Sunday. So if they win, free beers! VIVA, VIVA ESPAÑA!
Bloody funny own goal:
Cristiano Ronaldo, you should’ve punched this annoying fucker. But well done for putting the tossrag in his place:
Lastly, we’re not so good at football, but we are good at smacking the crap out of each other.
Idiots #11 and #12
Rush Limbaugh, right wing turd fountain, has said that Barack Obama is deliberately ruining America. Limbaugh seems to suggest that Obama is taking out the hard feelings of a race on the rest of the American people and “people who do not like the country, who do not have the same reverence for it that we do” are in control. “There’s no question that payback is what this administration is all about, presiding over the decline of the United States of America, and doing so happily“. No. You’re wrong. The administration that pushed through universal healthcare is far better than the Palinesque bigotry-ridden clusterfuck you’d advocate. Fuck off Limbaugh.
And Mel Gibson, you too. Anyone who describes a woman’s clothing in these terms – “if you get raped by a pack of niggers it will be your fault” – does not deserve oxygen. There are rapists, murderers, Fritzl, Hitler and Mel Gibson. Listen to the audio here. I hope Gibson is tossed onto Hollywood’s trash pile quicker than he can blame the Jews. You’re a racist, ignorant, vile cunt. Pure and simple.
Angry chick (I didn’t realise she was a girl ’til she said so. Oops)
Strangest story of the year so far?
Snoop Dogg has played the Pyramid Stage at Glastonbury. Now he wants to be in Coronation Street. What next – the Queen has laid a golden egg in Primark on Oxford Street? Hedgehogs stage a military coup in Iceland? Kerry Katona sells vagina for new bowling alley in Cotswolds?
In other news:
-Paul Gasgoigne – footballer, drunkard, hostage negotiator. Quickly rivaling Snoop in Corrie for randomness.
Finally, Raoul Moat jokes (all via Sickipedia):
Off to the woods to shoot a copper, cause that’s how I Raoul.
Funny how times change. Years ago, if you had a moat round your village you felt safe.
Why didn’t they just ask Paul the Octopus where Raoul Moat was?
Right. Night y’all.