So they had their chance…

and England blew it

South Africa is famed around the world for its coastline, Mandela, springbok. For English football fans, disappointment can now be added to that list. The players disappointed, the coach disappointed, and the results were the biggest disappointment of all. But despite all that, the biggest let down of all was the standard of the officials. Regardless of the fact that England were abject in the first 30 minutes of the match, Frank Lampard scored a perfectly legitimate goal. Anyone with any knowledge of basic chaos theory can tell you that this doesn’t mean the final score would’ve been 4-2. It could’ve been 3-2 to England or 10-5 to Germany. Wayne Rooney could’ve got a hat-trick. Fabio Capello could’ve turned into a T-Rex and gone on a killing spree. A German win was by far the more likely result, but it’s a travesty that such amateurish decisions were made in the biggest football tournament on the biggest stage. Be that as it may, England were fucking terrible – maybe Gareth Barry’s turdiness rubbed off on the officials. Incidentally, it wasn’t just the English who were hard done by. The Mexicans were robbed.

Here’s a Daily Mash take on the inevitable video technology debate.

And, bitter much Americans?

USA WINS 1-1... oh right, you were only pretending to give a shit. I get it.


Remember the beautiful Tinashé song,” Zambezi”, from a couple of weeks ago? Well, this is the e.p. version:

It’s like someone crossed the Lord’s Prayer with “Tenderoni”, and it’s brilliant!

Glenn Beck

Right wing cuntosaurus Glenn Beck (of “Michael J. Fox is milking Parkinson’s” fame) has released a novel in the US. He has no writing talent whatsoever – “Without a doubt, all the goodies were in all the right places, but no mere scale of one to 10 was going to do the job this time” ? I mean, if you had a million monkeys with a million typewriters, you could take their fecal matter and microwave it, and it would read better. Add to that the damning reviews, and you would’ve thought that the book would be a massive failure, yes? No. #1 bestseller. It so easy to see the rational party in the US. The Democrats question Obama, asking if he is doing enough to merit the presidency. The Republicans buy Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin books. That is proof enough that when it comes to Republicans, all the goodies are definitely not in the right place.

I don’t get art

I never have. I saw this about some fighter planes in the Tate, and I just thought, what’s the point? What is your message? What are these planes trying to provoke us to think? The author of the piece, Adrian Searle, keeps banging on about how phallic the planes are. Really? How much cock have you seen? The only thing phallic about that plane lying on it’s roof is that it looks a bit like a floppy dick. Yes the planes are powerful, and Searle tries to say that their taking out of context shows how this power is “mutable”. Right, well to me that’s like sticking a worn out car battery in a room, and saying “ooh, look how much power it had”. Apparently, the planes are “inescapably sexy”. Well, they’re lumps of metal. Whatever floats your boat. This passage sums up how incredulous art makes me feel – “The Jaguar has been stripped of its paintwork and polished to a reflective aluminium shine. Somewhere between evil hypodermic and swordfish, it injects itself into the space, and might almost disappear among its reflections. I’ll be honest: I found the confrontation a turn-on”. Might almost disappear? WTF? How much matter do you know that just disappears? To be honest, all this piece told me was that Searle has a boner for planes.”Her fighter planes have become images of power as well as impotence – and, therefore, of art itself“. I think her planes are more firing blanks than cocksure stud. And do me a favour Adrian? Give over with all the dick imagery. You can’t sex up a spade. Don’t try.

In other news:

-If Brazil or Argentina don’t win the World Cup, you’ll eat my hat.

-I scored tonight.

-Despite how shit they have gone, Kings Of Leon still have some fantastic songs. Love the video too:

Right, I need to sleep. Nighty night.


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