Double Facepalm

World Cup

England:

Wayne Rooney and Frank Lampard display their feelings about the new England kit

In related news, the World Cup needs America. Why? Because they are the best team, playing the best football? Because their fans are the most passionate and entertaining? No, because they have the most money. Scott Gulbransen says that “soccer” is growing in popularity in the US, due to the influx of immigrants bringing the game over (i.e. no American in their right mind would follow it). He says the South African, I repeat AFRICAN, World Cup has a very American feel to it, because the American team is there and some American fans will be too. Vuvuzelas American too? Twat. It’s an African tournament for the continent and it’s all the better for it. “Americans and their wallets – including the large television networks – throw more money at the tournament than everyone else combined”. I see, have some evidence for that Scotty? Facts, figures, yes? What’s that? You have a half eaten KFC megabucket and a 6 pack of Bud to prove your point. Good one, shithead. “For once, this non-soccer fan will be rooting for our US team to kick some arrogant international soccer booty”. Well, not for the first time, this real FOOTBALL fan will be rooting for anyone and everyone to hand your tosspot nations arse to you on a plate, you astonishingly backwards Idiot #7. I just wish it could’ve been us.

However, some Americans have the humour and good nature to poke fun at their lack of football pedigree:

Religious fanaticism

Over here , we mainly hear about hardline Muslims as the fanaticists of the world. But spare a thought for Americans like Jaretta Hamilton, the teacher fired from her Christian school for having pre-marital sex. The school, upon learning she was pregnant, decided to ask when the child was conceived. Realising it was before her marriage to her husband, she was fired. The school wants the case to be dropped and for Jaretta to “consider the testimony of the Lord”. I feel that may not be because they want her to be pure in the eyes of God, but more because they are now regretting initiating a big, fuck off wrongful dismissal lawsuit.

In related news, God obviously hates false idols:

"Father forgive me for I have sinned." "No."

Read all about Touchdown Jesus being smote here.

Cycling

It’s tempting to repeat old stereotypes of cycling, that it’s really boring until there is an über-crash. The problem is, they’re true:

Respect to Mark Cavendish though, who apparently carried on racing the next day after this horrorshow.

Hitler

Gone for 65 years, and he’s still causing a ruckus. It seems the youth of India is gay for Hitler! Slightly surprising given that had those same Indian youths been living in Germany circa 1938, they would’ve been straight on the train to Bergen-Belsen, or another of the death camps, where Hitler killed an awful lot of people. However, this is easily dealt with by Hitler fanboys and fangirls, like Dimple Kumari: “The killing of Jews was not good, but everybody has a positive and negative side”. Well congratulations Dimple for that in-depth psychological assessment stating the bleeding obvious. Just one piece of advice for you love – it will stand you in good stead to maybe, just maybe, give it a bit more thought.

In other news:

-This is why I love science.

-Never seen a dragon fuck a car?

-Casinos 1 – 1 Craig.

Right, time for a jog. Merry weekend, bellsniff.

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